Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Alive.
So much puke
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
