Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
