On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
