You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
