Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pooping to opera.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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