Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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