I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
