I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
