why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
