Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
