better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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