I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
