At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
