I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
