drinking out of a sandbucket again
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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