Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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