I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
