i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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