I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
