I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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