So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
