I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
