Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
