I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
