I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
