I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
