They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
