He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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