I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize