what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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