are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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