He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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