i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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