Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
