Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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