guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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