I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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