So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
