As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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