guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Say something about gay babies.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
