You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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