How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
