I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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