So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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