Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
