what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
