...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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