Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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