in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
