Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize