Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
