New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
