oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
