You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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