Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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