Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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