And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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