neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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