I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
