I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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