Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
