i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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