My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
